Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Today was hard



Sorry you'll have to take a break from the amazing writer that is my husband and have to listen to me for a post. I'm not near as clever or funny but I can be a lot more depressing, so that's fun. 

Today has been a hard day. My medication is giving me nightmares so I was up, no joke, every 20 minutes last night. I woke up scared and crying out every time. It was exhausting and frustrating. I was so fed up in the morning I decided to get off my pain killers cold turkey, even though my mom warned me against this. I was so tired I totally forgot that she told me to wean off of them. As the day went on I could not shake this sadness I had. It was like a dark cloud following me around ready to storm at any time. I chalked it up to no sleep. I finally layed down to take a nap and woke up with no relief. I moved to my room hoping that would help being in a dark, quiet place. Again nothing. I tried a third time. When I woke up on the verge of tears I knew there was something wrong. I was trying to figure out why I was feeling this way and what had changed. All these thing I said I was okay with, was I really okay or just burying my emotions? When I really thought about it I was okay with it. I had come to terms with these things, so why was I so sad? I finally told Deek how I was feeling. He told me I was having a reaction to the medication. Even knowing that my hormones were just out of balance did nothing to lighten my mood. I still felt crappy. 

I was at my friend Steph's crying to her when the rest of my friends showed up. They had a pear tree to plant in my yard next to my lovely peach tree. The tree was full of quotes and money from them and their families. The rest of the night was spent in each other's company. It could not have been a better distraction from my pity party I was throwing myself. 

The tree is part of the Anything for a Friend.

I hate to write such a negative post, but maybe it might help someone else to know they aren't alone. 

3 comments:

  1. You of all people are more than welcome to have the biggest pity party this side of the Mississippi. Hell, take the whole country for that matter. Even at your lowest, you're still one tough mother, Nicole!

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  2. It's okay to struggle with what you're going through. It's okay to have bad hours or bad days. Please know, however, that you are LOVED intensely by so many (and not just in your immediate circle). I gave Angie the number of a friend who's been through what you're going through. Send her a text or give her a call when/if you need an empathetic ear. Love you, Nin.

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  3. I feel the same way when I go off pain meds, it's horrible! I hope you are feeling happier :)

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