Monday, December 1, 2014

So Thankful

I know, I know I am a week late but I'm doing it anyway.

Every year I try to write a list of what I am thankful for. My first list was an overall, all consuming list, the next year was a little more specific. While all of those things on my previous lists are still very true I want to focus more on one thing. My sweet baby girl growing inside me.

I am so very blessed to be able to grow this healthy little one. I do not take this pregnancy for granted. I often wonder if people get sick of me talking about her little kicks or constant hiccups but then I realize I don't care. Almost a year ago my first little baby was taken from me before I got to feel him, touch him or kiss him, so I will soak up every bit of this pregnancy. While I sit here and type this she is kicking my ribs and sitting on my bladder, and I'm loving every second. I am 2 weeks away from looking at her face that I have been imagining for these past 9 months. I will finally get to meet this little naughty that I feel like I know so well already. When she finally does come I will miss being pregnant and miss this connection that only her and I share.

photo by the amazing Ciara Richardson

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Costa Rica Maternity

As if I wasn't lucky enough to go to Costa Rica with some amazing people, I was able to get some maternity photos taken while we were there. The very talented Ciara took the photos and Steph did my hair and makeup.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Costa Rica

Me and Deek were able to fit in one last trip before our little babe arrives in December. Us with 14 of our closest friends jetted down to Costa Rica for a little getaway back in September. I still can't get over that we got 16 people with jobs and kids were all available the same week. This trip would not have been possible without the amazingly talented husband wife duo of Kollin and Stephanie Brinkerhoff.

Costa Rica was amazing to say the least. The beaches were incredibly beautiful and the ocean felt like bath water, and the food was delish. We were able to go on the prettiest hike I have ever been on, complete with suspension bridges and torrential downpour. One morning we were able to witness about 100 baby turtles make their way to the ocean, one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

It was a trip of a lifetime and we were so lucky to share it with some of the people we love the most.

this little guy hung out right off our deck for a few days
One of my favorite photos, I think it's safe to say the wave won.
one of our little friends at the villa, until he decided we weren't giving him enough bananas and attacked

I must admit that I did not take one of these pictures. Thanks to everyone that carried around cameras and phones.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Nursery Mood Board

Since pretty much the second I found out I was pregnant I started to think about the nursery. My thoughts and ideas were all over the place and I was having a hard time coming up with a cohesive theme/mood in my mind, so off to Photoshop I went. I decided to put together a mood board or what I wanted the nursery look like. Since I'm not a huge theme person the room is not themed it's more of just a mood. This was a perfect way to get all my favorite things down and see how they would look together.

I love the way it's turning out. With this board I can stay true to my vision and not ruin it by some last minute impulse purchase, and when others ask what the nursery will be like I can just show them this, and voila!

I wanted the room to be light and playful without too much color and a little moody. One of the first things I found was a print from The Black Apple and knew I wanted to use it. Pretty much I based the room colors around that print. Along with the other prints I have on the board I want to have some family photos and a few personal things to bring character and a bit of our family into the room.

(1) Basket; (2)Lamp; (3) Moonrise Prints; (4) Alice in Mask; (5) Feather print; (6) Monster print (7)Mexican blanket; (8) Jenny Lind crib; (9) Gold fitted sheet; (10)Vintage dresser; (11)Sheep skin rug;  (12)Wood cityscape; (13)Lovely print; (14) Stephanie Rocker

Monday, September 15, 2014

Spare Room Before and After

Our spare room was interesting to say the least. The blue carpet HAD to go, along with the painted over wallpaper that had brush marks so that it "looked like wallpaper" cause that makes sense.

Instead of going through who knows how many layers of paint and wallpaper we knew the walls would be atrocious. So instead, we decided to add to the problem and just paint over the previous owners hideous creative paint job.

As usual I forgot to take a true "before" photo. This was taken just as we finished patching the holes and sanding down the overlaps in the wallpaper. Don't you love that blue carpet I call it Painters Tape Blue... gorgeous.

Here is the room after a fresh coat of paint and new carpet.
Is there anything better then new paint and carpet, I say there is not. 

So much better right?

Here was our TO DO for the spare room.
1. Take down the lovely curtains and patch the holes.
2. Sand down any lumps or overlap in the wallpaper
3. Get new windows.
4. Paint the ceiling
5. Paint Walls
6. Pull back blue carpet and paint baseboards
7. Replace carpet
8. Marvel at a job well done
9. Fill the room with a spare bed for Sunday napping

Now that that's done time to take everything out and start with the nursery overhaul

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Happy Birthday Little Spirit

This was how I told Derrik I was pregnant in December.

Today August 19th, I would have become a mother.

For nine months I have been caring around this spirit child in my heart. As the weeks go by I mark off what my life would be like if I was still pregnant with my first little one. How big would I be? Would I be having a boy or girl? What would the day be like in August when we would have met the little one? It's so hard not to think of these things especially today.
When I first found out I had miscarried my wonderful sister-in-law gave me a book "Gone too Soon" inside there was a poem that helped me a ton, although it makes me sad, even to this day, it also helped me realize others have felt the same way that I did. It was hard to explain some of the emotions I was going through but I think this poem conveys a lot of them in a beautiful way.

Just Those Few Weeks
For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.
~S. Erling

I am a huge planner, I'm constantly thinking of different scenarios for every decision I make. So when I first found out I was pregnant I had planned out so much in just days. Like how I was going to tell our family and friends, when I would find out what I was having. How pregnant I would be on our summer trips to bear lake. What their birthday would be like in August. If it would be warm enough to have their blessing outside a few months later. It was pretty much all thought about, so when the news came that their would be no baby, my world crashed, everything that had taken over my daydreams was now over. The months that followed were not much better. I was so scared something was wrong with me. I was worried I would have a hard time getting pregnant. I was also so nervous I would have another miscarriage, but as we all know there is nothing we can do in situations like this. All I can do is pray that me and Derrik would soon be able to welcome a new little one into our family, and look forward to the day when we get to meet our son or daughter when we reach the other side.

When I was first pregnant in December I thought it was a boy for sure. Also my cousin, who is 9 for 9 guessing what people will have, also thought we would have a boy first (he didn't even know I was pregnant) When I got pregnant the second time, me and Derrik had a strong feeling it was a girl, my cousin guessed it was a girl as well. So when we found out it was in fact a girl my mind immediately went to our first little babe. I like to think I was right about it being a boy. When I sit and think of our little baby girl growing in my belly I love to imagine her in heaven with her older brother. He is teaching her all about me and Derrik and what life will be like.
When this life comes to an end and we get to return to heaven I can't wait to meet our little one, whether it's a boy or girl I know that they watched over us. I can feel them in my life everyday.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

January vs. April

This year started off terrible and I mean terrible. January was probably one of the worst and most stressful months of my life.
I first found out I was pregnant with our first child on Dec. 15. We had decided to wait to tell friends and family till after my first doctor appointment. I went into the appointment on January 8th excited but nervous. I had this strange feeling that I wasn't even pregnant, not like I had miscarried but that I never was pregnant to begin with, pretty much my only indication that I was in fact pregnant was a $2 pregnancy test that I had taken a month before. I was so nervous. During the ultrasound my worst fears we realized. I immediately knew something was wrong, there I sat looking at a screen with a black circle with nothing inside, there was no baby.  I was measuring at just under six weeks. So either I was much earlier then I thought or I had lost the baby 3 weeks earlier. 

We set up an appointment for the following week to see if anything changed and it hadn't. I had in fact had a miscarriage. Definitely one of the hardest things. I was so mad at my body. After "passing" the baby I was miserable, I was hurting both emotionally and physically. I was so mad at my body for putting me through this pain for what I believe was for nothing. I was suppose to have a baby, I was suppose to be growing a little human inside me. Everyone handles miscarriages differently and for me I took it hard, it was hard for me to show my true feelings to anyone, I thought maybe people would just think I should get over it, or that it wasn't that big of a deal. I never actually even saw it. How can I miss something I never had? It was a very difficult time for both of us. Luckily I have the greatest husband that was nothing but supportive. He just sat there as I cried and told me he loved me. Also my cousin had a miscarriage a few months prior and was there at every turn, she knew exactly how I felt and what to say, I could not have done it without her. Also the numerous gifts, treats and little notes that were given to us by friends and family. I still cherish those little "love notes" and it serves as a reminder how many people love and care for me, Derrik, and our sweet little one.

By the end of January I was feeling a little more like myself. This came just in time to get the news that Derrik had gotten laid off. The stress of these 2 events was almost too much. I worried that we would have to wait to try for another baby, with him not having a job it would be irresponsible of us to try for a baby, right? Now what if the stress of him jobless would make it harder for us to conceive?

Ill say it again, January was the worst.

Then spring came and true to form it brought new life and rejuvenated souls. On April 6th, I found
out I was pregnant again. We were ecstatic to say the least. The wondering and worrying and sitting idly by as friends and family members got pregnant and had babies was over. It was my turn. Then on April 24th I got the call that Derrik had been offered the sales job he had been working so hard for since he was laid off. So to say the least April rocked our socks off.

It was an extremely hard time for us but I know that everything happens for a reason.  Derrik getting laid off was a HUGE blessing in disguise.  His new job is amazing and a big step up from where he was.  Having gone through the heartache of losing a baby, it has made us cherish our baby girl even that much more.  We will not take this opportunity for granted and are so excited to meet our little girl due in December.  

Thursday, July 31, 2014

5 Years Down and Half Way There

Yesterday was me and Derrik's five year anniversary, yikes did that go by fast. I have been thinking so much about our relationship and how it has changed in the past seven years of being together. I pretty much knew I loved him and that we would get married the week I met him. I like to think back on our wedding day and remember how much I loved him and how excited I was for our life we were about to start together. I was nothing but excited and filled with joy. I remember thinking, "I don't think anyone has ever loved someone more then I love him" and I believed it. Fives years since that day and things have changed. I know I loved him then but that was nothing to how I feel about him now. The love has grown so much deeper and stronger, and I only hope that growing love continues as we stumble through this life together.

5 years down...
we were just we ones back then

Half way there....

We are so excited to meet our little girl in December. This journey has been one of the toughest and most exciting things in my life. I can't wait to see Derrik and our little angel together. Ive always said I hope our little girls were daddy's girls. Growing up I remember how I looked up to my dad and how much I loved him, I can only hope Derrik and baby girl will have that same bond.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

One year progress

If you remember this post from a ways back you will remember that I l.o.v.e. love to do lists. But even more then making them, I love crossing things off. Since today marks the one year mark of living in our home, I decided to update my list with things that are done. Also since living in the house some things we decided we didn't need to do and somethings we decided to add to the list, all the changes are in green.

To Do:
Front Yard:
Remove rocks
Line gardens with black edging- no longer doing this
Plant large bushes
Refinish lamppost
Take out large rose bushes
Paint flower boxes and shutters
Paint front door
Remove/replace storm door and decorative iron on door and windows
Fix sprinklers
Transplant flowers in weird half circle spot
Sod half circle and other small garden

Paint baseboards
Paint doors
Paint ceiling
Paint walls
Replace lighting fixture- Im going to keep them as of right now 
Paint back of front door
Get washer/dryer
Paint built ins

Window treatments
Paint walls
Paint baseboards
Paint ceiling

Paint walls
Paint ceiling
Paint baseboards
Paint fireplace
Replace window treatments
Remove carpet
Finish hardwood
Redo green fireplace tile

Dining room:
Window treatments
Paint baseboards
Paint walls
Light fixture
Paint built-ins
Replace knobs on built ins

Window treatments-we decided against getting any window treatments
Replace glass in cabinets
Replace/paint knobs

Paint baseboards/chair rail
Paint walls
Replace window treatments

Master Bath:
New bathroom vanity or new knobs and counter
Refinish/replace mirrors
Make ironing board cabinet into little shelves
New light fixtures
Sand and paint walls
New tile shower

Remove wallpaper-sanded and painted over instead of removing
Paint baseboards
Paint ceiling
Paint walls
New carpet
New lighting fixture
Window treatments

Guest bathroom:
Remove carpet
Vanity (paint, replace)
Window treatment- no window treatment, instead got a textured window

Carpet stairs
Washer and dryer

Basement Bathroom:
Gut entire bathroom
Tile bathroom
Extend ceiling
Replace old pipes
Paint walls
Paint ceiling
New baseboards
Move shower drain
Pour cement
Install new shower

Level lot
Lay sod
3 raised garden beds and lay sod in old garden
Remove rocks
Remove bushes

New windows
Replace door handles
Replace light switches and outlets

As you can see there is plenty on the list that I have yet to blog about. Im lazy, get used to it. I will be posting as soon as I perfect it and take the photos.

Monday, June 9, 2014

Invitation and Program

A few months ago I took some photos of my niece for her baptism invitation, if you missed it you can look at them here. For the invitation I found some flowers on a thank you card and decided to steal use them as inspiration. I put together a program as well and used the same flowers to give them a cohesive look.

I did another photo shoot of Brighton in her baptism dress to use at the little dinner that would follow her actual baptism. Is she not the cutest little thing you've ever seen?