When I first got the news of course I was devastated but my initial reaction was "I can do this" Yes it will be hard. Yes this is not something I want. But when this is all over I can hopefully get past and see the positive that came from it. But when I heard that I might not be able to have children after chemo, that is when my world came crashing down around me. Just recently I was talking to a friend and I had mentioned I felt like my family wasn't complete and I can't wait to meet our future children. So this news was the cherry on top of the turd I was just handed. Immediately I was told if having more children was something I wanted then IVF and freezing my eggs needed to happen. It's hard not to think if we just started having children sooner then this wouldn't be an issue but then I think about Penny and baby Jude and I know they wouldn't be here if that was the case. I was meant for this and the timing is exactly what it is supposed to be. But man oh man this just ads fuel to the fire.