Wednesday, April 5, 2017

This is not what we expected


photo cred: Ciara Richardson Photo

To have to write these words down is so sickening. I have breast cancer, (breathe) being 29 and getting a diagnosis like that is all sorts of shocking. It doesn't run in my family, I am healthy, active, and I didn't do anything to tick off the big guy upstairs, at least I don't think so. The days have been a blur. Friday was just shocking, Saturday was doomsday, Sunday and Monday were pretty good, but  Tuesday and today have been OK, I could be better. My emotions are all over the place. Please bear with me through all this. I'm going to try to be as honest as possible and I'm hoping that when I have a good day and I'm optimistic about something, anything, you won't hold that against me when I'm feeling like my world is crashing around me. I pray that by being honest it will help someone, or heck help me.

This whole journey started just over a month ago. I found a lump in my right breast and immediately thought, oh this is nothing. I called my OB to have it checked out the following Monday. My Dr. wasn't concerned, neither was the Radiologist that I saw right after. He did suggest getting it removed since it was growing fast. I got an appointment for the next morning to see the surgeon, there I got another "this is nothing". There is about a 1% chance these lumps turn into anything. I scheduled the lumpectomy for 2 weeks later. After that surgery I felt great. The surgery went well and it didn't slow me down in the slightest. I went in for my followup on Friday, March 31st. The Dr. asked me about the scar and I blabbed on about how great I felt yadda yadda. He then said that the results came back and it wasn't what they were expecting. At that moment my heart sank. He then proceeded to tell us I have breast cancer and it is aggressive. My world changed forever in that moment.

At this time we aren't sure of so much. We do know I'm at least at a stage 2 considering the size, but we won't know until the MRI is done. We also aren't sure if I'm just so unlucky as to be that 1% that got it randomly or if it's genetic, my family doesn't have a history so we are hoping that is not the case. Those 2 things will make the path a little clearer. We do know another surgery is something that will need to happen as well chemo.

These past few days have been so incredibly hard as well as such a blessing to me. I have seen more love then I ever thought possible. So many family and friends have done so much to show they care and I can not say enough how much it has meant to us. Endless notes, texts, hugs, and tears have been exchanged. I also have to share with everyone how incredible Derrik has been. He has pretty much had both kids non stop, woken up with baby Jude about every hour at night while he has been sick. Derrik has made appointments and taken notes at them. He has cleaned the house written me notes and organized pretty much every aspect of my new normal. He has been so strong and kept me afloat, I honestly would be lost without him. Man oh man, if you see this guy please tell him you love him, he is pretty much the best thing around.

I'm going to try an keep up with this blog through my journey. They might be quick little updates but this is a great way to keep family and friends in the loop. And just so the posts don't get to depressing I'm going to add photos or maybe quotes that are helping me in that moment.


He will not always take your afflictions from you, 
but He will comfort and lead you with love through whatever storm you face.
 -Thomas S. Monson

4 comments:

  1. What beautiful words. I am so happy you have decided to start writing and documenting on here. What a special way for you to share with everyone and for everyone to show you how much you are loved and to help you along as you face all of this. Love you so much sweet sis.

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  2. Nicole, I am so sorry to hear this terrible news! I am sure it is extremely difficult & an emotional roller coaster, but I commend you for handling things so gracefully & looking for the positive. Just know that we are praying for you & your family & I told Tessa if there is anything that we can do to help ease the burden for you or Derrik please let us know!

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  3. Thanks for writing this. There are many of us waiting to know more and this is a great way for us to check up on you without bothering you. My sister Shelby kept a blog while she went through treatment for Lymphoma. Go to the very beginning of that blog. It's amazing. Her strength and humor will buoy you up like maybe nothing else will. www.shelbysjourney.blogspot.com We are praying for you. You've got this!

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  4. Nicole, I stumbled across your blog and have been where you are. I am 25 and was diagnosed in July 2016. It is a long road but with all of your support and love, you will make it through it no problem. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you.

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